Are toenails really romantic?

I think these emailed newsletters have probably jumped the shark a couple of times, but I have one that comes to a tertiary email address that I check every once in a blue moon. The subscription is to LovingYou.com's romantic ideas newsletter where every so often (I think it's once a week) my inbox gets injected with the latest submission of romantic ideas.

Most of these are quite sophomoric in my opinion and are just variations on the same few themes. There's the love coupons idea, ten reasons I love you idea, trail of secret notes throughout the house idea, etc. Many of them incorporate rose petals or Hershey's kisses. How original! I also get the impression lots of the ideas are submitted by girls between the ages of 12 and 16 who have a crush on the guy who lives three trailers down. I don't know why I think this, but if you read a few of them I think you'll agree.

They're all fairly tame, but this one particular submission I found to be very disturbing.

One cold Friday evening I surprised my wife with her favorite home-cooked dinner, good wine, and a pedicure and manicure as she enjoyed her meal. I turned off the TV and radio so we could talk the entire time. Since I was doing the pedicure, she enjoyed feeding me my food. We didn’t share any physical intimacy, but there was closeness that only two people can truly share. This lasted hours and there was much work on my part, but then it was all worth it because it was so wonderful.

--submitted by Jose

Jose, do you mean to tell me your idea of a romantic evening is trimming your wife's toenails while she feeds you? Did your wife really enjoy this or was she just endulging you in another one of your bizarre sexual fetishes that she could only tolerate after a healthy dose of Franzia? How exactly did that work anyway? Were you under the table with a bottle of Vamp and some nail clippers?

Please tell me you used nail clippers.