Told y’all I’d be back

 Blogging on a phone is hard work. Much has happened since my last post. I now own an electric car. And a wet specimen. 

No promises

I make no promises as to when I'll be up and running again. I'm not giving up. Just taking a break.

cocktailswithkevin is closing its doors . . . kinda

Well, not exactly.

Basically I've just come to the conclusion that forking out $80 a year to have my own domain name just ain't worth it when I only use the site for blogging, which frankly I could do for the everyday-low-price of free. For that reason, beginning Friday, July 18, 2008 the blog will be coming to you live from www.cocktailswithkevin.blogspot.com

Mark your calendars, wake the kids, and phone the neighbors. The next rendition of the blog promises to be new and exciting and fun for the whole family. Until then, I'm gonna cash out my bar tab for this domain.

I look forward to seeing y'all on the flip side.

Dad's Bars recipe

Because it's been a while since I posted a recipe, and I know you people are waiting on pins an needles for me to do so, I've decided to post my famous Dad's Bars recipe. These are so called because I make them and I'm a dad. Should you make them, you can refer to them however you like. Regardless you'll find them to be a yummy substitute for store-bought cereal slash breakfast slash MSG preservative bars.

In a large mixing bowl, blend together:

2 cups oats (quick or instant or whatever)
1 cup flaked coconut
1/4 cup peanuts
1/4 cup puffed wheat cereal (or puffed rice but don't splurge on a cartoon variety; get the big-ass bag of generic for a dollar)

In a saucepan melt one stick of butter with 1/4 cup of brown sugar and 1/4 cup of honey and at least 1/4 cup of raisins. Just melt it. Don't let it simmer.

Pour the gooey sweetness into the bowl with the dry ingredients and mix throughly. I cheat and use the mixer with the batter paddle attachment but your hands work just as well.

Dump this into a 9"x9" baking dish and cover it with wax paper or aluminum foil. Now press it down good and firm as hard as you can. If necessary, ask a portly person to step on it, being sure to keep the wax paper intact of course.

Put it in the freezer for two hours to set. Then pull it out and cut it into bars. I find this is most easily accomplished with one of those rocking style pizza cutters but do what you like. Alternatively we sometimes cut these into small cubes and call them Dad's Petits Fours.

Good for constipated toddlers. And daddies too!

Y2K+ Parenting

This morning Meryl was sitting in my lap rolling a toy car around my shoulders and over my head.

Meryl: (bringing the car to a stop) Here we are at the library.

Me: Who works at the library?


Meryl: Mommy.

Me: What does Mommy do at the library?

Meryl: Pick out books.

Me: What else does she do?

Meryl: Type on the computer.

Me: What does she type?

Meryl: Dot org.

What had happened was . . .

There are those who like to apologize for their absence from the innerwebs by prefacing their buhterial with some long diatribe as to why they haven't blogged in so long. Then there's me.

Movin' on.

I have recently begun taking the local movie theater up on their offer of a free kids' movie once a week. At two years of age, Meryl is limited in the amount of time she can successfully spend in a dark room crowded with half-eaten tubs of popcorn and sugar-laden daycare kids, so we've yet to make it through an entire film. Fine with me. Somehow neither Evan Almighty nor Doogal really managed to keep me on the edge of my seat for very long.

You see, the movie is free but pickings are slim. On our most recent trip, we could have seen Shrek 3, but since I haven't seen the first two episodes in the Shrek trilogy, I'm sure I'd be lost. The other option was a Veggie Tales flick.

I'm sorry, but I just don't understand the allure of proselytizing legumes that want me to accept them as my personal lord an savior. That's wrong an that's ig'nant. Don't get me started.

Another new local diversion for us has been the Goodwill store. I have written about the Goodwill before. Readers can learn more about my experiences with this charity-driven bargain barn by clicking here. But remember! Kevin is a monkey so he can do things you can't do.

Goodwill is nice because I don't have to worry about Meryl breaking things anymore than they're already broken. Plus the store's not that big so I can usually find a comfy spot on a dusty couch while she runs around or tries out the circa-1984 treadmill. The thing's not turned on so for some reason she likes to jump on it like a trampoline. Sure, we get a few stares from fellow shoppers, but who cares? They're not the boss of me.

One granola looking grandma in a pink tanktop and faded camo pants (both of which looked like she had bought them on a previous visit to the store I might add) did rub me the wrong way by asking if I was "babysitting today." God, how I hate that. I responded with my usual No, I'm parenting. I do it everyday to which she replied Let me get back there and check out that sewing machine, wouldya? I think she was one of those ebay people.

Anyway, parenting is good, marriage is good, and life is good.

It's all good.

Atlanta Rollergirls

Now y'all who read my blog more often than you clean your baseboards know that I seldom if ever ask you to give to any charities or anything like that. I don't ask people to jump rope for the cure or any other such nonsense. Just not my bag. But please hear me out. There are people who need your help.

I'm talking of course about the Atlanta Rollergirls. They kick ass and everyone who's anyone should run out and buy tickets to their next gig. I don't know when it is. Check their site by clicking hither.

Oh wait. That's wrong. Don't click there.

No, really. Don't. Please.

Here's their site: www.atlantarollergirls.com I knew I had it somewhere in my favorites.

The missus and I went to see them do their thing a couple of days ago and -- let me tell you -- you haven't lived until you've seen live roller derby. Remember Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling? This is even better.

I'm talking sexy chicks on wheels! Mean women. The kind your mother warned you about and the kind your father secretly hoped you'd bring home so she could help build a new back deck or change a carburetor. I'm talking about chicks pushing other chicks off the track so they go sailing into the audience.

And whatever your taste in roller derby queens, there's something here for everyone. From what I could gather after watching the Apocalypstix take on the Sake Tuyas, roller derby is kinda like tug-of-war. You want people of all shapes and sizes.

Hey, remember what Freddy Mercury said? They make the rockin' world go round, right? Well, when it comes to roller derby those girls make the rockin' world go

round and round,
oh round and round
The meanest hunk o woman
That anybody ever seen
Down in the arena

I'm trying to come up with a way to express to you the fun Elaine and I had on our latest mystery date but frankly words elude me at this point. How can one accurately describe an atmosphere where tailgaters are welcome to imbibe in the parking lot (and bring in their own bubbly for a couple dollars) while those with preschoolers are welcome to bring their progeny in to see the show? We didn't bring Meryl on this go-around, but there were little ones there, and I dare say they enjoyed watching the game. Some of the little ones in the audience even had moms on the rink!

I'm not making this up, people.

So please. Operators are standing by and the Atlanta Rollergirls need your help. Sure, they perform at the Yaarab Shrine temple on East Ponce, but those shriners are too busy helping needy children to donate money to the bloodbath that is Atlanta roller derby. The future of roller derby is in your hands.

You simply have to see it to believe it, folks.

Trust me on this one.